President of Loser Club

As some of you might know, I, the president of loser club, have a gym membership and i actually go to the gym on a regular basis. You people may think that by joining a gym, my loser level decreases and that makes me unfit to become the president of this prestigious club. YOU ARE WRONGG!! This is because if you stick to certain guidelines, the gym membership will actually increase your loser level, my gym membership(and going on holiday alone) has actually helped me achieve the title super champion supreme grandmaster loser. So, to reach the peak of loserdom, join a gym today and follow these simple guidelines:

1. Always go to the gym at the loser hour, not many people know when the loser hour is, everyone knows early in the morning is the Veteran hour, nearer to noon would be College girls hour(someone told me this, i never got to wake up early enough to go to the gym at this time of day), Lunch time is the Health freak hour, from about 6-10pm is the Peak hour. Loser hour starts when most of the chicks have left, which is at around 11pm, it is kinda ironic because the main reason a loser joins a gym is to see girls, but of course being a loser means you’re a champion of procrastination, so it doesn’t matter how hard you try to come early, you will always end up going to the gym at 11pm. There are some benefits when you go to the gym late though, since there are not many people you don’t have to queue to use the equipments and you don’t have to go under someone’s armpits to get your gym bag out of the locker.

2. Make sure you use as much soap and shampoo as you can, you know you wont get your money’s worth since you only go to the gym an hour a day because you always reach the gym late, so each time you take a shower, make sure you use at least 20 bucks worth of soap and shampoo. This will require you to empty out 5 shower stalls worth of soap and shampoo. One advice though, never soap up your ass too much, this is because the water pressure will always drop when its time for you to wash your ass, which results in some excess unwashed soap stuck between your ass cheeks. Sure it doesn’t feel weird when you step out of the shower, but when you put on some pants and the soap kinda dries up a bit, it will feel like you just crapped your pants. But if you have never experienced how crapping your pants feel, feel free to soap up your ass with a whole bottle, its better to experience it with soap than actual shit.

3. Always look confident whenever you do any workout routine, even though you don’t know what you’re doing, this way, even if you do it wrong, people will think you’re experimenting or something.

4. NEVER STARE AT OTHER GUY’S BALLS!! There will always be some dudes who go around naked in the changing room, and its usually the oldest guy with the saggiest of ballsacks, you may think that looking at it would give you thrills that would equal the experince of watching a horror movie, YOU ARE WRONG!!! The sight of it will spoil your eyes, kill brain cells and increases your gay level. An increase in gay level will decrease your loser level in a bad way, and you dont want that.

5. Never join dance classes at a gym, it will make you look like a wuss that needs beating up. I just cant stand those big fat asses and gay fags who join those disco dancing classes, they always act like they look cool doing those dance moves without realising that they actually look like retards. I’m pretty sure most of them would replicate the moves they learnt at the gym at clubs and would think they look super cool, when the fact of the matter is that people are actually making fun of them behind their backs and giving them false praise just to see them dance like fools more. Hmm, that would actually make them great loser candidates.

I’m getting lazy and i need to sleep, so im just gonna stop writing now, i may continue to add more to this list later on, if i feel like it.